Commitment began a long time ago but...

I've not been updating for ages due to commitment. Just what kind of commitment?
I've been through a lot of overwhelming situations which needed some adjustment somewhere and I dare say that it's not the end yet.

Anyway,
I'm spending Friday night alone. It's been a while though and I'm feeling a little mixed-up right now. There's no one I can talk to but the thing is, I could easily call someone up for a chat but I'm afraid everyone's out enjoying themselves on a Friday night. I wouldnt want to ruin their night just because I'm lonely.

I tried calling Faz but it saddens me to know that we are not really communicating much these days. We are done for the flat selection and I think that was the last time we spoke. I've always felt that communication is essential towards building a healthy relationship. I dislike smses actually because firstly: I get one or two word answers for giving long smses and secondly,things might get overly emotional because of the absence of voice.

I miss talking to people,socializing with them. I'm doing a great job with the kids but sometimes you just need that normal adult-adult conversation. I miss laughing, I miss talking about music, sports, clothes...I miss it!

It's sad and I've always wondered: Can someone really die out of a broken heart? It's sad isn't it if it does happen. What if it happens to me?

I'm happy that everyone is out there doing their own things but have I come to that stage where I felt so sorry for myself for not having the opportunity to do something fun on my own for a change? Oh dear....I've always been someone who doesnt give a hoot about you know being overly sensitive or emotional about certain things but recently,I've noticed that each time I do not get to express my feelings out, I can feel the ache..right there...my heart. And you just cannot cry,it just hurts. How come?

Frustration

Why is it so hard for 2 pairs of hands to clap? Why?
Why is it so hard to sit down and discuss over things together?
Why can't we compromise a bit about certain things?

I am very angry and upset,really!

I am doing my best to give some proper leads so that things would not go haywire in future. Is it wrong to plan early? Is it wrong to start planning?

I wish I could just lock myself up in my room and not think about things, lots of things in fact!
But I can't!!!

Why am I not receiving a pair of listening ears which is vital for our future? Why? Why?

This is such a painful process,really painful for me that it hurts me inside...emotionally.

*sobs

Mutual understanding

In relationships, couples must think more of the partnership than they do of themselves. This partnership is an interweaving of interests, and sacrifices will have to be made for the sake of both parties. There must be mutual understanding and concern that security and contentment in relationship will be achieved.

There are no short cuts in building a healthy relationship. No intimate emotional relationship exists between two people for a long time without having some misunderstandings from time to time. Understanding and tolerance are required to overcome feelings of jealousy, anger and suspicion. There must be give-and-take in love…love is learning how and when to sacrifice.

A successful relationship therefore is based on compatibility rather than just only finding the right partner. Both partners must try to be the right person by acting out of mutual respect, love and concern for each other. It must be reminded that there must be no pretensions. Love is an inner feeling and fulfillment arising from the mutual healthy growth with and for the other person.

Lovers build their own dreams and they pursue them together. Dreams are essential for they bind two lovers and make them stronger. In order to build a healthy relationship, a partner must not always try to get things his or her way. There must be only one path to be taken by both, it might be uneven, bumpy and sometimes difficult, but there is always a "mutual path". Mutual understanding therefore is the secret foundation of a relationship. And good communication is the key for mutual understanding.

Everything that happens in a relationship happens through communication. Communication is the very air that a relationship needs to survive. Nothing can happen without it. Everything is possible with it. Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Good communication skills are an essential sign of a mature, self-confident adult. According to S.M. Jourard, author of Self-Disclosure: An Experimental Analysis of the transparent Self, "The better the communication in a relationship, the happier the people are in the relationship. " He stresses that it is almost self-evident that one cannot love. He cannot know the other person unless he has engaged in enough mutual disclosure of self to be able to anticipate needs, wants, and the satisfaction of goals.

A healthy relationship is not one in which we are to exist with our eyes closed. We see faults as well as virtues of our lover, and we should accept the fact that no one is perfect. When we love a person, we do not only project on some angles of his personality; rather we view him as a whole individual accepting both his positive and negative traits. This allows us also to make each other be. My partner, for example, by his love has made me fully myself, not just by being what I am but also by being what I can become when I am with him.

As mentioned earlier, misunderstandings are inevitable in a relationship. Without petty quarrels, relationship is no spice and couples won't grow! Whenever misunderstandings occur, we must learn to be patient, tolerant and understanding. Sometimes we tend to be emotional and hence are liable to get into tantrums, which lead our partner to get angry. In times like this, couples must strive not to be angry at the same time. If both parties are not angry at the same time, problems can easily be resolved by adopting the noble spirit of patience, tolerance and understanding. Older people would say, "Better find a partner with traits opposite to yours…because OPPOSITES attract, and they are most likely make good partners"

Love like life is not always smooth. We experience ups and downs. However, the beauty of love is that we share our happiness with the one we love. And when times get hard, we have someone to share our pain with, someone who shall share the misery that we are in, and to lighten up the load that we carry.

Testing period

Masyallah, this period is indeed a testing period for me.

As much as I pray for happiness and safety for the both of us, I am also prepared for whatever problems that comes along the way and I hope that we can withstand such obstacles with respect, integrity and mutual understanding.

Misunderstanding among couples is inevitable and sometimes it's over silly things that we do that makes both bicker for nothing.

I am guilty of that at times and many a time, I will offer my apology.

Today's incident made me sad,really sad. Normally when I'm angry or pissed off, I feel upset. I will only use upset as a point of of anger but when I start to describe a situation as being something sad, I am truly sad for the things I've done to my loved ones and the impact it has on me.

I did not mean to hurt you. I am guilty for being late, too "leceh" and I do apologize for that. However the part that makes me sad is when I'm being given this look - fury eyes, less conversation and silence.

I tried to break the silence several times by casually asking a question,asking about certain matters but the answers I received are too blase', was I asking too much or you needed to be in your cave?

To me,communication is the key to everything. Only when you talk, you are able to know what bothers the person but if I'm doing the talking all the time, does that show that I'm being too overly-concerned with so many things that it makes you feel uptight and answers my question just because you're obliged to answer.

When I'm sad or upset, I will talk it out. I don't keep it, it makes me go crazy.

Some say words like "I love you" can be easily expressed by showing or doing the things for the ones you love. I do both and I'm not saying that you're not but it's just that after today's incident, I asked myself, is this how things are going to be in time to come?

Will I be the one to always initiate, I would like your response too, your expression. Is it too much to ask?

Above it all, I love you for what you are and for whatever reason you feel that I am just too whiny, I'm sorry!

I will do my best to make things work even better and I need you as well.

"Oh simple things, where have you gone?"

Hello

Sometimes, all it takes is a simple "Hello and How are you?"
This might make someone happy.

Sadly, why does it always happen only in the beginning but as time goes by, it fades. It's sad isn't it?

It's sad because I feel it.

What's the story morning glory?

I'm home-alone once again!

Generally, it upsets me.
Then again, I feel like a walking contradiction for saying this.
I yearn for something peaceful,serene yet I'm complaining when the house is empty.

Anyway,
I can finally breathe easily. My work's all done...almost!
This year will be tough for me. I'm making a decision that will affect everyone who knows me.
Firstly,
I'm quitting my job but I'm still having the "What ifs?"
Next,
Last module for enrichment studies before I need to submit a long essay for my Diploma. I promised that it'll be the last Diploma. Faz is a bit disturbed over the fact that I'm taking all kinds of diplomas when I should be focusing on a degree. It's not that easy love!
Adding on,
I'm having trouble saving up. Ok, I'm thankful that we have shown a slight improvement in this area but with the wedding coming up in November next year (2011), there's just too much cost to bear.
I kept on calculating my expenses over and over again. It's tiring and stressful indeed!

Speaking of wedding, you got that right. Faz and I have decided (with parent's blessings of course!) to get married on 5th November 2011. We talked about it and insyallah, with Allah's grace,things will go just fine. Whatever the situation, we'll both face it together!

These days I get a little bit emotional with the other half and I know it frustrates him but I guess it's just the pre-jitters of marriage. Afterall, what's a union between two people when it's perfect all the time? What's love without squabbles? What's friendship without all the silly things that we do to one another all the time?

I attended my colleague's wedding, it was AWESOME! Faz and I can't stop grooving to the Bhangra beats. It was a Hindustani wedding after all at the Raffles Town Club. Awesome!

My colleagues told Faz and I that we looked almost alike. Faz and I exchanged blur looks. We were just thinking, how can we look alike?
He has big round eyes, mine's so small and sepet.
He's fair and I'm tanned.
Karen and her husband told us we have the couple face,hahahaha!
Chinese believed that when couples looked like one another, that means they're meant for one another.

Oh well, we have our usual squabbles all the time so yah....I guess it's normal!

On a sad note, I miss my friends. I miss jogging, I miss exercizing (lame excuse!), I miss playing sports. I miss going on random walks to anywhere my feet takes me. Hai....I don't mean to complain but ever since we're riding, we're not as adventurous as before. Oh man.....

10.30pm, Saturday

Good night for now :)

Important dates to look out for!

31st July 2010 and 1st August 2010 - Course
3rd September 2010: Last!

finally...updates

It's been a while ...YET again.

I can't stand looking at the most recent entry on my blog. It hurts a little bit but I learnt to let it go and I'm just praying for the best.

I've been dealing with plenty of ups and downs at work. I was given plenty of opportunities to seek something new but at the end of the day, I made a decision to stay...but not for long. I question my future there,how long will I be able to withstand such situation? Not for long I guess.

I've been slogging real hard to save up. It takes loads of strength and patience to go through it all. I'm tired but I have to make it happen. Creative writing is also taking a toll on me even though I've only been through 2 sessions of it. It's ok....6 more sessions to go before I proceed to Speech and Drama and that's it,I'll take a break!

The savings account is getting on slow and at times stagnant. I'm worried that I do not have enough in 2 years time. A couple of people from work have started their plans to take on their degree. I'm happy yet sad at the same time. I have to weigh my priorities and I always tell myself this: education comes a long way, it doesnt stop at a certain age. I'm giving full focus to the big M right now.
I hope Faz feels the same way too!

This weekend is a plain weekend to begin with. I have assignments and reports and not to mention constant planning to be done. Subhanallah...

I'VE HAD ENOUGH

I cannot tolerate this any longer...no...I'm ranting in silence, in huge disappointment.

Don't test my patience until one day I utter out this sentence which makes me the "most kurang ajar person"in the whole entire world I supposed.

You gave me education
You raised me up
You gave me everything I needed
Yes, I truly appreciate all that.

But when it comes to decision-making, you think I know nuts about anything and you got the cheek to tell me that you won't be bothered with me anymore if I were to make my own decision.

Well guess what.....you think I care. Allah is almighty, Allah is fair, He knows who we truly are,what we have been doing all this while. He knows because He creates us. He gave us brains to think, He gave us the sensibility to think wisely, to listen, to co-operate, to compromise and here you are talking shit to me...sorry ah, you are by far the worst role model ever.

Sorry to say this but you spout words of nonsense that is absolutely baseless....whatever it means...it's just like venom to me.

Go do whatever you want to do. I don't f**king care anymore.
I make sure the generation after me would not suffer the similar fate as I am, trust my words.

Stop being oblivious, stop being ignorant and stop being someone who thinks that you-know-it-all BECAUSE you DON'T!!!!!!!!!!

I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

Be thankful that I will always pray for your safety and your days on earth but trust me, I will never forget those words you said to me. I will remember it for life and guess what...we all go back to Allah swt one day, we will all die and guess what? I'm not afraid of death. It's between me and Allah swt and whatever you just said about me is something that will be weighed upon by Him when the time comes.

I used to think that I can't live without your presence, it's true because afterall, we're of the same blood but not till today. At the end of the day, it's between Allah and me. We are all individuals by then. If I am able to prove my guts out now by saying all this, don't you ever think that I can't live without you-providing-me-with-everything because trust me...I can!!!

I pitied the woman who tolerated you and your nonsense sometimes. I pray that this woman, the very same woman who gave me everything despite all the naggings support me in my decisions.

Subhanallah, I know I have sinned for saying all this but only Allah swt knows my anger.

It's been a while

Reminds me of the song by Staind...yes "It's been a while..."

I love Staind although their genre of music is pretty heavy. I used to listen to them a lot alongside rage against the machine, Silverchair and many other bands that's pretty much "heavy" to the ears.

I miss listening to music.

To think that I have 3 gadgets that allows me to listen to music: my psp, my 8GB mp3 as well as my phone...but I'm still short of them.

Oh well, that was a random thought altogether. Point to note: I'm always random.

Going back to where I stop the other time, a lot of things happened after the engagement period.
Loads of savings to do. We've been very patient with one another, trying to understand one's needs and feelings.

We've been slogging real hard and I can see the fruits of our labour. But we still have a long way to go because it's not going to be easy financially.
Sometimes I tell Faz that I'm really tired and he will be the one giving me all the support and encouragement,he never gives up. I am truly glad that he has shown me the best of what he can be and I really appreciate it.

School's ok. The children are ok although there are a few that's been under the weather lately. Oh...I passed my first aid course for infant and toddler child care with flying colours...hurray.

I have to put my studies on hold due to marriage. I'm just hoping that my parents and I could come to a mutual agreement about the wedding. After my most recent discussion, there were really personal clashes amongst us and I just feel like giving up.
I just want a proper, decent affordable-not-over-the-top wedding, that's all.

I've managed to convince Faz about our plans of applying for a flat. Besides the cost of the wedding and etc, I'm also aiming towards a flat. I was told to prepare at least 10k in cash just for a start...wow.............that's a lot. But it's worth the sacrifice I guess. In return, you get your own privacy, get to start a family and do things independently with your other half without being told or instructed by anyone.

I yearn for such independence and I'm counting on Faz and I to make it work.

We also had to put a few holiday trips with our friends on hold. Even though we deserved a break, there's a lot to save and we can't afford to lose focus.
However, my old secondary school friend is organising a bike road trip to his family's restaurant somewhere during CNY and we might be going.

I'm so tired. Tonnes of things to be done but I'm not sure where to start.

On a lighter note,

Congratulations to Shyai and Rahman. Thanks for the invite and insyallah, Faz and I will be there.

Good night :)

New year...new resolution...new everything (ALMOST)

wOW...Happy belated new year to everyone.

It took me ages to remember the password once again (what's wrong with me?)
2010.....I'm looking forward to plenty of opportunities and an exciting journey ahead.

First up,
alhamdulillah, the engagement went on well. Thank you friends for coming and 'chilling out' with me and thank you too, especially to my family for making it all great for me on that day. My dear cousins who helped out, aunts and uncles...thanks guys!

Thanks to Kak Nonie...great job and yes yes...I'm hiring you again in 2 years time and your sister too...hehehe

Thanks to Faz's family for coming and yeah....thanks for accepting me as one of your future in-law.

Thanks of course...hehehe...Fazli, husband-to-be for everything. We've come this far and there were several occasion when we had to overcome plenty of obstacles. It took us some time to think it through and I'm thankful for the changes we've made in this relationship and the vows we shared before we made our engagement official. I hope we'll stick to our words, trust one another and to be honest in everything that we do. With Allah's grace and guidance, insyallah :)

Work's great. Actually, it's a bitter-sweet feeling for me. Bitter because, I'm going to miss my best 'chill-out-lepak-colleague', Miss Nunu. I'm going to miss her. We crap a lot at work and we shared a lot of things together. I often share my ups and downs with her and she never fails to provide me with a listening ear. Thank you Nunu, I'm going to miss you.
On a sweeter note, I'm happy for her because she is going to enjoy her vacation in Amsterdam, Paris and etc. Take loads of pictures and send my love to Thijmen, William, Alexander and the Eiffel tower for me. I'm so proud of you Nunu.

I'll see you in 3 months time!

I have a new classroom. Students are the same but some were transferred out to another class. I miss them already. Anyway, the new classroom is much smaller compared to the old one. Despite being small, I love it!
Nicole and I have plenty of control and there's better class management this time around. It's quite cosy, come to think of it. Miss Nunu used to take the class and now I'm taking over it. I guess, her love and dedication, tears and sweat still lingers....let us all embrace it...heheheehehE!

Nicole (Li lao shi) will be having her practicum supervision in school next week. She's really nervous but I promised her that I'm going to help her. Sadly, her first session will take place after 3pm so I don't get to be in the classroom with her...darn! I'll do my best for her next session.

We have plenty of new faces in school and the new teachers are a great bunch. At first, I thought with Nunu's away, I'm not able to crap again like before but..........jeng jeng jeng...Ms Leah is here. She's super cool and is able to tolerate my lameness and crap in school. So yeah.... I can brush up on my Melayu once again with her around,LOL....

I was in a difficult position last year. I was stress and upset at the same time last year. After experiencing the first 2.5 weeks of 2010, I told myself to calm down and maybe things will get better. If not, we'll see!

Faz and I are now cracking our brains on our monthly expenditure. His bike insurance is up in February and we're both saving up for it. I told Faz that I will help out and in time to come, we can save again from scratch. We're both working extra out of our nomal working hours just to earn extra income. Prices are going up and we have to save a lot for the upcoming wedding in 2 years time. I'm nervous yet exited at the same time.

Next month, we'll be celebrating our 2 years anniversary. Blissful 2010!

I pray that things will be proper insyallah, Allah swt will provide us with guidance and directions towards building a blissful relationship together.

On a sad note (hai...........), my parents were not too happy about my future wedding plans. My plan to have a one-day wedding event at the Orchid country club or the community centre 'dibantah cukup-cukup!' Why....why...it's my wedding and my money after all...tsk tsk....

Oh well, let's see in 2 years time....

Engagement

This Sunday is a significant day for me.

With Allah's grace, I hope that He'll guide us through this new journey of ours.

Faz and I spend some time thinking about our future although it's a little ahead of us. It's just something which we forsee and if it all goes out well, alhamdulillah

We have to plan about loads of things. My biggest plan besides the planning of the wedding would be to apply for a house.

Faz is a little hesitant about this since we are not financially stable yet but I told him that with this in mind, it will motivate and discipline us to save up more for a house.

There are plenty of BTO flats coming up which I'm interested in however there's also resale flats that's worth buying. I'm thinking of the flats in Bukit Panjang which is relatively near to both our parent's house or the ones in Sembawang.

I would love to go with the one built in Queenstown but it's pretty expensive there. That place is full of memories for me because I was in the Commonwealth,Queenstown district for the first 12 years of my life and to relive those childhood memories once again would be great!

For now, my hopes for the future is simple. I hope that Faz and I are able to understand one another better, learnt to compromise and to be truthful/faithful to one another.

It's one level up and for me, I am only taking this route once so I pray that everything will turn out right. Insyallah....

This Sunday, Faz turns 25. Double celebration for him!!

almost there

oh my goodness................. 11 more days..... breathe breathe!!

Loads of things to be done and on top of that EXERCISE, clear all toxins from the body!

Trying very hard to stay positive

Work politics...who likes it, no one does!

I'm so sick and tired of these words even though it sounds encouraging to me, " don't worry ezan, you can do it! I know you can. You have been doing a great job!You're a good teacher!"

Yes, thank you...thank you for all these kind words. Thank you for telling everyone what a fine teacher Ezan has been to the children. Thank you............but you know what? Being human MYSELF, I know how the mind works.....I KNOW!

I feel things are unjust. Yes, I know people are not happy with the way things are...I KNOW.

Life is too short to make sacrifices all the time.

Why do others still have it easy even when they have the worst?

Why do I have it worst among the rest? Why?

Why is she making things sound so easy for me when it's not?

With only 2 hands, there's only this much I can do.
With only one heart that's about the size of my palm, there's only this much I can tolerate.

Why can't I have a consistent partner when others could?
Why can't I have my way for once when others could on most occasion?
Why? Why? Why?
When will things be ok for me...when?

I know when......it will only happen when I leave this "Egdon Heath", then I'm free!

Headache

Saving up is not easy.

Too many things to prepare...too much to plan...I'm having a headache!

Content

I believed I should stop being bitter about certain things that is about to happen and just be content with it.

Like they said, "just this once..."

One more week before school closes. I still got to come back to prepare the classroom. The only problem is, I'm not sure of my class placement next year and I'm not going to get the same partner next year. Hai..........

I'm lost for words!

On a slightly lighter note,
I am slowly getting all the stuff for the engagement. I'm still unsure of the grooming and everything, my mom will settle that with my cousins...sigh..

Faz told me that on our engagement day,
he wanted to go to the bike shop because there is going to be a gathering there. I can't stop thinking about this and it saddens me a little. I mean no matter how small the ceremony is going to be, it is something special and significant to me.

Even though he is not tagging along with the entourage, the least he could do is to stay home, be with family and friends instead of the bike shop for some gathering. I mean yes....I do respect his love and interest for bikes and meeting new people there but we're talking about an engagement....a beginning to everything.

When he asked whether he could go, I told him that he need not ask because he should know the answer himself .

Hai.............

This is just an engagement.
What happens when we eventually tie the knot together and if something like this comes up on the wedding day itself, I don't know what to say.

I'm lost for words. Bagi salah, tak bagi pun salah. Oh Allah....

checklist

I'm going bonkers soon...

There are so many things going on and I thought that I could worry less for this engagement but I was wrong. My mom told me specifically what needs to be done, what to buy, what to prepare this and that......goodness...I am not ready for EVERYTHING!

I have work to worry about. Lesson plans, reports, preparations...I'm sorry but if I have to choose between work's work and preparation for the engagement, I have to prioritize the former...I'm sorry.

Yes...this involves my happiness but reality check...my work lays food on the table.
I am also very happy that I am going to get engaged soon but all Faz and I wanted is a simple affair, nothing extravagant but who is listening?

The adults think that they are RIGHT all the time....please...it's upsetting! After all, at the end of the day I'M THE ONE who is forking out the money, I have to save everything out of my own pocket money. It's my engagement, I want it my way!

Planning for this day helps me forsee what's going to happen when it's my wedding day. I'm going to put my foot down and I don't give one bloody heck about what others said about me but if I want it my way, I want it my way. I do not want a big wedding either and when I said I want a one-day affair, I want it that way.

I forsee loads of "preparation and decision-making problems" between me and my parents. It's hard being a young adult still living with parents because at the end of the day, I am still being treated like a child.

I can't have this, I can't have that. "What are those people and our relatives going to think?"<----see......face matters. It's always about what others feel and think but what about my thoughts,my feelings...MINE...MINE....MINE............

Sorry ah...tradition is one thing but REALITY is another. You wanna keep up with the tradition,go ahead...be my guest! I'm talking about reality here,simplicity is reality!

Checklist:
1) Get the dulangs ready...hai...
2) Buy baju
3)Call Kak NOnie to beg her for help...pertaining to my needs...tsk tsk.....why can't I just wear something simple on that day?
4) Household chores

Pressure..under pressure

Ok....let's start off with something good.

I went for a scrapbooking workshop with Faz's sis today and I'm so glad and thankful that I went for it. Faz's sis is a big fan of scrapbooking and she does a lot of shopping at "Made with love" @ Plaza Singapure, the place where we attended the workshop. It was free and since I knew nothing about it, why not?

Thank you Siti banyak-banyak!

Our teacher was really nice..really sweet. Ooooh....she plays hockey too back then!

So we shared our past hockey experience after seeing my hockey team photo.

She was very patient and nice. Plus point for me since Siti is sitting next to me. She's a pro so I just have to look at what she's doing so I won't slack off. First half of the session was basically the basics and I enjoyed using the tools there. It's like back in the DNT workshop once again...only better.

Second half was really exciting. We had to choose 3-4 photographs out of 7 that we have brought from home for our second scrapbook layout. I chose the one where I was still in Millennia Insitute and when I first met Faz.

We get to go FREE shopping. She gave us time to shop for pattern paper and some plain papers for our scrapbook. Then it was back to the tools. I felt like "Handy Mandy." Free embellishment, alpha thickers were also given to us for free...so cool lah!

4 hours workshop...the best I had...no regrets!

After the workshop, we went for "light" shopping.

Now

on a heavier note,

my parents discussed with me about the engagement and it's giving me the jitters already. Initially, we planned for a small meeting but it turns out that Faz's mother called my mom and said that she'll bring her entourage and some gifts. So my mom said that we have to do a small kenduri and do some exchange....goodness.......I am speechless and nervous.

I told her I just want to be myself on that day, no make-up, no taking of professonal photos or whatsoever. Anyway, we agreed on a small kenduri and on that day, instead of conforming to social norms where the girl has to sit in the room and wait for the representative from the guy's side to pass the ring to the girl, I am going to be outside greeting them and blending in with the guests.

And trust me, I am just going to wear my traditional baju kurung or kebaya...that's all!

Man...it's like 3 weeks away...goodness!!!!!!

noble profession

Every morning at 9.45am sharp, the garbage truck will collect all the waste materials and garbage from my school. Everyday at this time, ALL my little toddlers never fail to bring a smile across the faces of the garbage men.

To us, they are normal people just carrying out their duties but my children looked up to them. They will wait for the garbage man to collect all the things, then as he makes his way to his truck, they will wave enthusiastically until he is out of sight. The few men doing this couldn't stop smiling and I believed the children's smiles, waves and laughter touched their heart.

Even me,

I can't stop smiling and I almost teared. These children, their heart is so pure. To them simple things in life does not remain unsung, it is precious.

Making a difference

It was a tiring day for me. I changed the whole classroom setup to create more space. It looks great and lao shi likes it too.

We're all looking forward to the bouncy castle. Nunu and I are going bonkers over it,hahahahaha and she wants to jump like there is no end to it.

On my way home from work today, I met a busker. There used to be this busker who plays the electric guitar with so much passion and enthusiasm at Lot 1. I love the way he plays the guitar because it captivates everyone's attention. Despite his disability (he's blind!), he is able to make an honest living through busking. He may be blind but his heart is full of sincerity.

Opposite Yew Tee Point, a busker with similar disabilty captured the attention of the people staying in Yew Tee. Everyone stopped to listen to this man as he sang the song "If you get there before I do" by Collin Raye. It was mesmerizing and soothing. I looked around and noticed that people from all walks of life stop to listen to this man. I looked at their faces, tired, stressed faces but after listening to this man, they seemed tansfixed but appeared calm nonetheless.

His voice has this natural healing power and everyone paid close attention to this man. Way to go Mister!

On a happier note, Faz and I went to JB to top-up petrol via Secondlink. While we were drinking tea, he took out an organiser. He told me that he wants to do a little bit of planning and together we wrote down his expenses for the month. I'm so proud of him! He has shown discipline and commitment in this relationship, slowly making progress as time goes by. I hope it stays that way.

Insyallah

typical malays in Singapore

I guess it's human nature when one demands for the best in everything but is very "kedekut" (stingy,calculative) in paying for such service.

Today I met one typical lady who not only compared me to a graduate but she tries to intimidate me.

LU RELEK SUA!
GRADUATE....SO WHAT? BIG DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!


I post up my babysitting ad for fun online and suprisingly,someone called me in school to enquire me about it. It was a malay lady. She was mumbling and I could hardly hear her voice. I can sense that she is not comfotable conversing in English because in the end she asked me, "orang Melayu eh?"


The moment I heard that, I knew what was going to happen next. However, I kept cool and calm and remained professional on the phone.

After our discussion,she said my charges were too expensive so I told her I'll give her special rates for siblings if she wants but I told her repeatedly that I'm not forcing her into anything.I was just answering her questions. No obligations at all! (I doubt she knows the meaning of obligation!)

She said it is still too expensive and compared me to a graduate who charges less @ $7/hour for 2 children. Tell me this......a graduate, no working experience...nothing. Fresh out of school and suddenly they decide to jump into the bandwagon and do baysitting. What comes to your mind?
They are of course earning extra cash and everyone thinks babysitting is oh-so-easy!

It's not about letting the child watch tv while we watch them or let them do whatever they want to do while we watch them. Well, some babysitters do that but there are plenty of them out there who go the extra mile to provide extra services to stimulate the child's interest and to feed their curious mind. Such babysitters include Nurul, she's really good with children and the things she does with them are unique.


I guess coming from a pre-school background, we know what is best for children and we go the extra mile to provide it for them. Parents are willing to pay for it knowing that firstly, their children are safe and secondly they are having an enjoyable time with the babysitter.

As for this lady, she started to ask me to calculate. She said it's super expensive. That's it....she is never going to be my client. I politely told her that if she has found someone who fits her budget, go ahead.


I was just being honest with her and I told her that personalised babysitting that comes with unique and different services is a little costly but most parents are willing to pay. Besides, we charge according to the market rate. Minimum is $10/hr.


When she said "graduate", I couldn't stop laughing. Graduate? SO WHAT!!!!!


Graduate from where? Which University? Do they know about child pedagogy? Are they certified in first aid? Do they know the different milestones? Do they know how to stimulate a child's interest creatively using different approaches?

Some can but not many I supposed!
Try taking care a class of toddlers first, if you manage to pull through, bravo, otherwise, put your words back into where your mouth is!

I did not clinch a deal with her. I was basically giving her an honest point of view about how some parents are willing to fork out money to pay for such services. Besides we are not hard-up for their money. We entertained those who are interested only!

SO LADY,
don't come and tell me about your cock and bull story because I'm not buying it.

Don't come and text me things like, "how can you talk to me like that, I'm your client and you talk to me like that?"

HELLO...EARTH TO YOU!
YOU'RE NOT MY CLIENT, NEVER WAS AND NEVER WILL BE. There was no DEAL...get it?

Macam mana orang Melayu nak maju, wanna blame the government...please lor...look at yourself first!

Expenses

A tiring day for me...and Faz as well. We had to run errands...plenty of them.

He has bills to settle whereas I need to get stuff for my class. We were riding to and fro and we were equally exhausted.

We collected our rings today and mine needs to be sent for engravement. I've collected Faz's ring and will send it for engravement soon!

This month's a spend-till-you-drop month for me. I had to buy plenty of things besides my own. I spend some on clothes for Faz and I as I felt that it is good to reward ourselves once in a while after working very hard.

I bought a card from adik, it's green and it's so pretty...will use it soon!

The 'cow' that was painted by our K1s and K2s.

The card (check out her blog "scraps with love")

Art materials for the learning carnival.

Sayang's ring :)

More art materials... haizzzz

Wireless router and ink catridges from Expo, Sitex 2009. (good bargain!!)

Lycra tops and polo tees from Giordano. (I love lycra!)

Our monthly expenses edited and done by me...I'm the financer...sort of!

The lover, soon-to-be one and only hubby :)

rush for time

Yes... I forsee loads of things happening this week and next.

My mind's in a whirpool (hmmm....I wonder)
Anyway, we have this super big project coming up on 4th December 2009 and it's 6 days away from today. I am basically just going with the flow, whatever happens, that's the best we can give and I am sticking to it.

I have not done any reports yet. I have to upload photos and yadaa...yadaa...yadaa.... I have not done my assignment yet and the shitty part about the course which I'm taking now is: my final exams is next year in July....WTH!

I am also pissed about the fact that we have not been given any finalised placement for next year. I'm not sure what class I'm going to teach next year and it's pissing me off because that would mean that I have to delay all my planning. A delay in plans will make me super cranky and grouchy because I am not able to do a lot of things during the break.

Oh well, the only thing I'm looking forward to besides the 27th is the 5th December because I'll be attending a scrapbooking workshop with Siti...that will help take my mind off things...I suppose!

Today,
I bought a wireless router and some ink catridges. I need them desperately and although "it caused a big hole in my pocket," I believed it's now or never.
I have to get a few tops as well, I'm getting too mundane these days and I looked too listless.

I've been downloading loads of videos from youtube and basically Ive been watching wizards of waverly places for the past 1 month. I downloaded all their videos and that helped to ease my mind off things.

I bought a couple of reference books today for my collection. I'm hoping to bring back some of my book collection from school because I think they are in bad shape...darn!

It's a mad year for me though I am looking forward to the 27th December 2009. I guess this might be the only thing that'll make me happy.

Oh yes...one last thing. I had mushroom swiss burger today for dinner and an extra mushroom sauce cost me $1.50. I was like WTH...but heck, I was too hungry.

Ecod

Tribute

Last year on this very day, plenty were shot during the Mumbai massacre.

I was reading through the papers today about the female Singaporean who was shot during her legal conference there and I felt sorry for her husband. They were only married for 1 year and 5 months. My condolences to him and the relatives.

Today's the 27th November 2009.

1 more month to be exact and I'm getting a little excited and nervous about it. It marks a new journey for me, new beginnings with someone special. I hope and pray for all its bliss and May Allah be with us to guide us to the right path.

We hope to collect the rings soon an get it engraved.

We're not doing anything major for the special day, just a special union between 2 families and an exchange of rings. Then, it's back to reality.

We have to map out a financial planning strategy that will determine our stability in future. We're both working hard. I'm trying to work extra too!

1 month to be exact before his 25th and it's such a wonderful thing to see how times flies and soon we're going to be 2.

I guess...I'll bake him a cake this year :)

I love you lots dear Fazli,

the long weekend

First of all,

Selamat Hari Raya Haji especially to all the Hajis and Hajjahs. It's not like before where I get to visit my grandparents,see the smiles on their face. They're...well...in a much better place than I am now,they're with Him. I'll pray for them!

Oh yes...at least there is still my nyai...my paternal side. We'll be visiting her tomorrow night in her little cosy Studio apartment. It's a little squeezy but I like it.

Anyway, my colleagues and I are all working up to our neck and we're not breathing properly. We talked too fast, we don't laugh as much as we want to but when it gets a little too much for us, we'll start bursting....hahahaha!

I transformed my dress into a skirt today and that is a sign of "hey...look at me, I'm going crazy at work!"

On a happier note, I baked blueberry muffins with all my little chubby chukkers in school. They loved the muffin though it's a little too flat as the quantity was limited. Ok, next time guys!

Right now, I'm bored!

My family have gone to JB for some last minute grocery shopping. I'm too lazy to tag along though I would love to but the thought of coming back home at night with those plastic bags...that'll kill me literally.

McDelivery will be here in no time. I know....eating Mcdees at this ungodly hour is seriously sinful. I was contemplating between late-night jogging and Mcdees and oh what the heck, I chose the latter.

Sigh.......